Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
