His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
