I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Terrible idea I love it
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
