Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I have aggressive nipples.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You were trust falling into bushes
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
