Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
