I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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