I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
