Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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