You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
