okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
