Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
