hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
