youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
