Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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