Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
