This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
