Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
ugly people sure do ruin things
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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