Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize