i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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