He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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