I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
