I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
