; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
