I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
