I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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