My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
