the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
