I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
