Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
