I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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