"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
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