Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
