oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize