and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
