I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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