i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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