I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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