She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
