his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
