just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
