No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
