She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
