I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
