My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize