I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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