I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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