At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
