I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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