so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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