yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
