I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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