I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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