I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Please, let me fuck your mom
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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