Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
