Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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