You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
