I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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