Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
