I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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