She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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