So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
