if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
