God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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