i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
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