I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
