Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
