just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize