I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
PANTIES FOUND
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