Small penises have feelings too.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
