Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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