I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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