I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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