Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
