Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
