Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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