what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
