The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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