she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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