YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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