There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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