she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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