She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Randomize
