i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
